Tomorrow begins the 17th day without my precious Peaches. I’ve shared my heart and my struggle about keeping the faith that she would return. Today, in our Sunday service at Abundant Life Church, I was very emotional for most of the service. Apparently a lot of other folks were dealing with struggles of their own. Pastor Bob was moved to ask people who were battling with issues to head up front for prayer and it seemed as if half of the church body was at the altar. The Spirit was moving and I felt as if I’d left a thousand pound weight at the platform.
Before delivering the message Pastor showed us this trailer from the movie the War Room. Please check it out.
If you took the time to watch it you can guess that the message that followed was about being a lukewarm Christian. It never ceases to amaze me how the Lord works in my life. Before Peaches went missing I’d settled into a comfortable place in my spiritual walk. I prayed and spoke to God on a regular basis but I wasn’t reading my Bible and spending quality time with Him. I complacently believed that I gave God more time than many people who claim to be Christians. I truly didn’t even realize how lackadaisical I had become regarding my spirituality.
Then Peaches disappeared and shook my world. I vacillated between feeling hopeful and hopeless. I’ve had the faith that she would return, and an hour later felt like I’d never see her again and start crying. I was what Joyce Meyer refers to as double-minded. James 1:6-8 says: But when you ask Him, be sure that you really expect Him to answer, for a doubtful mind is as unsettled as a wave of the sea that is driven and tossed by the wind. People like that cannot make up their minds. They waver back and forth in everything they do.
That was me, being tossed by the wind. I got in the shower and my girl wasn’t sitting on the toilet seating waiting for me to get out and I started doubting again. I’d start praying and thanking God for taking care of her wherever she is and I’d get more hopeful for a while. The next morning when I went to brush my teeth and she wasn’t there waiting for her drink of water the wave of sorrow and doubt would wash over me again.
I got real honest with God and myself today. I was mad at Him for not bringing my girl home in my timing and letting me suffer so. With repentance at the altar came deliverance. I told God how sorry I was for doubting Him and being angry with Him. I know now that I am not being punished for something that I did. I asked God many times what I did to deserve this situation. Now I’ve got my mind right. I have a clean slate and a fresh start and I’m so thankful for it. Staying in James 1 verse 12 says: God blesses the people who patiently endure testing. Afterward they will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love Him.
Thank you Jesus for the renewal of my mind. I will wait patiently in faith and receive my crown. I may still have to rescue a kitten in the meantime. Another leap of faith is that Peaches will accept it on her return. She is very selfish when it comes to her mamma.