Does he have to go that way?

Does he have to go that way?

It only requires a short ride to work with my husband behind the driver’s seat to remind me that I still suffer from control issues. I’m a self-professed, recovering codependent, control freak. For about twelve years now, God and I have been working together to get a handle on my condition.

I have come a long way but the two and half mile ride to work with my honey confirms that I still have quite a way to go. Impatience is another ungodly trait that I have been working on. I want everything done fast. I want to get everywhere as quickly as possible, even if there is no reason to hurry. So, my demons rear their ugly heads at our front gate. The gate opens automatically as soon as a vehicle is within fifteen feet of it. My husband stops about as far away from the gate as possible, patiently waits for it to open, and then drives through it when the gate is completely open. I stop about six feet from it and as soon as there is enough space for my car to fit through, I’m gone.

As we approach the largest intersection in town between our house and Johnny’s I start squirming knowing that Tommy will get in the left hand lane which has six or seven cars waiting for the green light, despite the fact that there is only one car in the right lane. We have a full two blocks to travel before we need to be in the left lane and my impatient mind is spinning. We could be ahead of so many cars, I brood. I tell my demons to shut up. I reason with myself, “So what if you may get to work thirty seconds earlier. What is the big deal?” It’s maddening!

I look forward to the day when we pull up fifteen feet from our gate, or behind the long line of cars and I don’t even think about how much better my way is. I relish the thought of just enjoying the ride, content in the fact that I don’t have to do the driving. A time when I will be happy to watch the world go by at a slow pace without wanted to hit the fast forward button. I can’t even picture myself being that spiritually mature right now but I know my time is coming. God has already done so much work in me, but we still have a long road ahead.

That’s what I love about God. Where I have no patience, His grace abounds. He loves me despite my flaws. And here’s a real biggy. He helps me to keep my big mouth shut when I ask Him to. Don’t get me wrong, I still can’t help saying, “Why did you go this way?” or “You know there are a lot less stop lights when you go that way.” Thankfully those times are fewer and further in-between. As my favorite quote says, “I’m not where I need to be, but thank God I’m not where I used to be.”

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